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angel

by e.s. hughes

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1.
It was the fourth day of spring in Kondinin When i disobeyed my grandfather’s teaching see the cold-blooded creatures had risem and resumed sunbathing, signifying sin See in my family its gospel from pulpit never to divert for the sake of a beast but in the heat of the moment i faltered swerved from the path of the serpent beneath and i knew then that the wisdom that i professed was but a thin ribbon of flesh layed in the path of an implacable test on the fourth day of spring in Kondinin I committed my grandfather’s cardinal sin and i thought of my wandering digits grasping at wholeness beneath the linen and i knew then that the righteousness i possessed was just weakness poorly dressed the veil unraveling with the slightest stress
2.
I picture you as a child of eight bossing round tradesmen at your mother’s place this is the image that comes to me when I’m trying to tease out the causes and faults damping down my heart’s thousand tiny revolts this is the image that comes to me i picture you as a girl of eighteen setting off solo all bright-eyed and keen this is the image that comes to me when i’m out on the road i’m retracing your steps recalling your advice while planning what’s next this is the image that comes to me it pursues me across deserts and plains every road-sign spelling your name i picture you as i knew you, age twenty eight knuckles on my thighs at a post-breakup date this is the image that comes to me when i torture myself til i ache in my longing when desire eclipses any nod to belonging this is the image that comes to me it pursues me across deserts and plains every road-sign spelling your name
3.
still trying to strike some balance between toy arrows and paper shields my sadly undermanned phalanx and the slings and bows you wield i default to self-abasement heap my stooped figure in blame build a pyre of skewed remembrance cast this likeness to the flame but it really doesn’t matter who was right or who was wrong because baby i’m gone it’s true i’m a kicked creature slinking low across the ground a fading background feature shrinking from the slightest sound but by the same token you’re knife-edged slicing careless thru the world pushing since you were half-fledged parting channels, sails unfurled so which of us is culpable for the webbing’s slow decline the tangles unresolvable the tattered, fraying twine although the question is unanswerable it pre-occupies my mind i must stop sorting through the rubble try my best to let it lie and it really doesn’t matter who was right or who was wrong because baby i’m gone
4.
languid in heat or withdrawn in the dry vigour is so hard to gauge lateral but growing retreating in drought clinging implausibly on yawning troughs of longing waves of relief cresting out here it’s hard to tell what’s really dead and what’s just resting wedgetails and ravens the only sign of life and death’s clearest tell laid out to rest small things keep me awake furtively rustling through yawning troughs of longing waves of relief cresting out here it’s hard to tell what’s really dead and what’s just resting
5.
Arboretum 02:40
you’re gonna age like a banksia and you’d tell me to fuck off if i ever bought your roses you’ll grow withered and grey your beauty changing spitting in the face of the notion of fading transformation not disintegration you alongside me inosculation and steadily we’ll grow together grafting one another onto slick amber absence thin barked and bolshy willow and dogwood cautiously discarding defunct notions of selfhood transformation not disintegration you alongside me inosculation you and i gemels sitting in a parlour quietly re-dealing through the afternoon
6.
the first time i just left my license at home nothing to be done about that the second i made it almost all the way before nearly backing into a fiat the third i failed almost straight away amber light turning right had me trapped the fourth back home trying to go it alone my reverse hill start falling flat four failures kept me here long enough to fall this far into you four failures sent me fleeing back home to you in Alice i watched my plans disintegrate i just drank and wallowed in pain in TC got so sick that i had to dry out a week on the couch playing videogames the work i’d applied for in Darwin fell through i was forced to turn tail and retrace my trail back south just to fuck around and be swept to the coast on a surge of shame four failures kept me here long enough to fall this far into you four failures sent me fleeing back home to you every plan ruptured i hurt everyone i touched self-loathing and drunk and corrupt and when it was all over i was broke and tan and tough and i went to the airport to pick you up four failures kept me here long to fall this far into you four failures sent me fleeing back home to you
7.
8.
(angel) 00:19
9.
She called me angel in better times so i pass her words further down the line her language lingers in this heart of mine and flows into you as we grow more entwined you’ll understand when you love someone new and you call them by the name i held for you
10.
11.
Forest 04:10
Big wave of crude washes down on me topping my car up from the jerry saving about 65 cents panic cold air and burnt coffee jolt me into life coasting down the mountain willing fumes to last me back to the highway to fill up continue on further from the place i feel i belong right now far from the miseries of the south coast shit weather and introduced species this climate allows for the pretence of old country village life crowded every inch of land put to use the forest is the product of excision more than it is of growth negative space created by vast fields oversaturated gold and verdant european green this town offers up this remnant to a steady flow of grey nomads and sunday drivers

about

All songs by Hugh Manning. Recorded across Noongar Boodjar throughout 2021 and '22. Produced, engineered and mixed by Annika Moses. Mastered by Dan O'Connor at Encoder Sound.

Hugh Manning: vocals, guitar
Annika Moses: vocals, guitar, piano, percussion
Teresa Hughes: vocals, ukelele
Bruce Manning: guitar
Claudia Lemann: bass

credits

released November 17, 2023

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about

e.s. hughes Perth, Australia

folk etc
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photo by Emma Daisy

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